Violet in 2013.
“Deathing” Is a Natural Process.
For about 2 and a half weeks, having announced her decision to move back into spirit, Violet refused to eat anything except pureed raw chicken liver. This is a highly nutritious food, filled with fat, protein and vitamins.
Violet also agreed to take some of my home-made electrolyte formula. This provides the potassium salts cats need when drinking unusually large amounts of water. Any cat in renal failure will be drinking a lot of water, so electrolytes are essential to maintain mineral balance and comfort.
Then, on Wednesday of this week, Violet came out around breakfast time very weak and wobbly. She refused all food. We had agreed that I would not force feed her or pester her with constant requests that she eat. She is in charge of her departure schedule. So after offering her liver 3 separate times and watching her facial expressing indicate disgust at the very idea of eating, I decided to let go of any need I might have for her to eat.
Violet took over one of the living room chairs and remained there the rest of the day. She seemed comfortable and didn’t get up for any reason. I offered her water at various times. Sometimes she drank; sometimes she didn’t. I used a small dish with low sides so she didn’t have to sit up to drink. She had seemed so weak that morning that it seemed even sitting up was difficult.
Every so often, after she drank, I asked about the litter box, but she had no interest. Once I took her after she said, “no” – the human need for confirmation, I guess – and she just step out of the box and give me a very dirty look. I carried her back to the chair.
That evening, Violet did use the litter box before I returned her to her cat cave for the night where she told me she wanted to sleep. The cave is on top of a hassock backed up to a wall where there is a baseboard radiator. The cold weather we’ve been having means the heat is still on and the cave is very cozy.
This is an old picture of the cave. Right now, the cave top and entrance are covered with a towel and piece of an old wool US Navy blanket remnant. This keeps the cave dark and warm.
Violet’s lying on a piece of foam designed to support elderly or super-thin animals to prevent bed sores, covered with a very soft, washable fabric that holds body heat. This is a sumptuous spot for her and her favorite place to meditate over the years.
Now it’s her retreat as she prepares for departure, and that’s where Violet spent Wednesday night.
On Thursday, Violet refused to leave the cat cave. She continued to reject all ideas of eating. She continued drinking water and taking her electrolytes by dropper. When I took her to the litter box, she seemed very weak and wobbly, although she was able to stand while using it.
When a cat goes 3 full days with food, their livers start to break down and after 3 days, recovery is nearly impossible. Knowing this, and knowing that refusal to eat is a natural part of the preparation for the return trip home into spirit, I assumed that this was it for her food consumption.
Over those two days, each time I checked on her, Violet would be glowing — serene — peaceful. No sign of any pain or discomfort. The expression on her face was one of “nobody is here right now. If you must speak with me, I’ll do my best, but really I don’t want to be disturbed.” I kept all conversation to a minimum. “Water?” “Litter box?” “Are you doing OK?” “I love you.” I also gently pet her briefly, and she would purr when I did that.
Then on Friday morning, as I began making breakfast for Sakhara and Starlight, I turned around to find Violet standing behind me. She wasn’t at all wobbly after 2 days of fasting. She was strong and steady and asking for liver. She was using that expression she has when she’s making a demand.
“Liver!” she requested in her imperious feline manner. Fortunately, I had plenty of it prepared in the freezer, so I warmed some up and she ate a hearty breakfast.
So Friday was an eating day. She ate several meals, each one smaller than the previous, but overall she consumed quite a bit of liver.
So it seems that each morning will be different. This morning, Saturday, Violet showed up again in the kitchen requesting food, but she ate only a taste of liver and then drank water and retreated to her cave.
Clearly this process is not straightforward. Violet take the lead and I follow as best I can. Starlight and Sakhara, her companions and friends, visit with her from time to time. Sometimes they groom her a bit. Sometimes they sleep with her. Mostly they let her be.
I asked Violet this morning if she can describe what’s going on for her.
Violet replied:
I was floating around those days [when I wasn’t eating]. I was in the spirit world. I’m very familiar with it, as you know.
This time, I was talking to my guides about releasing my body. They check in with me now and then to see how I’m doing.
I’m totally fine. This is all as it should be.
Thank you for respecting my requests. This isn’t like the last [life] time, when I needed you to nurse me. This is better.
I’m doing my best to honor Violet’s wishes in all things. This isn’t about fighting with her to get her to do what I want. This isn’t about trying to keep her here longer for my ego or personal needs. This is about Violet ending her life as she chooses to do so.
And while I’m sad at time, I also feel peaceful about this process. It’s a miracle to watch it unfold so beautifully and naturally. Violet, as all my animal friends, is teaching me. It’s a great gift.
* * * * *
If you have an elderly animal preparing for his or her journey home, please know that each one’s process is unique. While there are, of course, some general patterns, each animal will have his or her own preferences. Sometimes those preferences will align with yours, but other times the animal may want to teach you about other ways to do things than what you might find easy or comfortable. If you can be open to what they want to teach you, the opportunities for personal growth are enormous. If you’re not open, that’s OK too. There is no judgment here about what is “right” or “wrong.” There is only love and compassion for all.
As a professional Animal Communicator, I often speak with elderly animals to help them communicate their choices to their human family members. It’s an honor to do this. Please do call on me when you’d like assistance with this type of situation.
Namaste,
Nedda
Dear Nedda,
Thank you for this beautiful posting. Truer words were never spoken, and we have hidden the natural dying process in our culture. In one of my favorite books, called The Grace In Dying, it says the dying one always knows the difference between “I am going to die,” and “I am dying” and that to support the transitions is sacred work. Thank you for your presence in our lives. Thank you Violet you have been and will be an inspiration to us all…
Hi, Rachael,
Thanks for telling me about The Grace in Dying. I’m going to check it out. When we pay attention to our feelings, we know so much more than many people imagine. It’s an entirely different way to be and to live.
Namaste.
I am learning from Violet, too, and I am grateful for your willingness to share the steps of her passage from this life. I send you and Violet, and Sakhara and Starlight, too, loving thoughts. My eyes were full when I finished reading, but what comfort to know that life doesn’t end but transforms. Blessings.
Thank you, Ellen. Violet is a real “lady” and I’m so glad she’s willing to share her journey with others besides myself.
Namaste.
Dear Nedda, Violet, Sakhara and Starlight,
You are such a beautiful family. Thank you for sharing these important moments in such rich visuals. My heart is with you all.
Remembering some wonderful moments with Violet, I deeply feel along with this journey.
Love and heart hugs to each one of you as one,
Nell
~?~
I put a heart which turned into a question mark. How funny! Where there is Love, there is no question.
Thank you for letting us know about this process.
Only I wonder now if I should not have ‘helped’ my cat when she died 4 years ago? She refused all food and water than and gave me the feeling she did not want to continue anymore. But maybe she also wanted a much slower transition?
Hi, AnneMarie,
I don’t know what your cat would have wanted, but I do know that it’s possible to speak with them in spirit. Many people find that comforting to do and it helps clear up all the unspoken things that might be lingering in your mind and your heart. On the other hand, I find that many people really do have a clear intuitive sense of what their animal wants. Since the only way I know to create clarity for you would be to speak with your cat, I’d be willing to do a session for you if you so choose. You can read more about my sessions at https://raysofhealinglight.com/201_ac_consultations.htm.
Dearest Nedda
Thank you for sharing such tender and beautiful moments. My love and thoughts are with you all and you and Violet are such an inspiration as well as such graceful and compassionate teachers. May you all be blessed and filled with all the love of the universe.
Tammy
Dear Nedda,
Thank you for sharing your family process with us. I have tears in my eyes and an upwelling in my heart as I feel your love, between you and Violet and among you all in your family. I am reminded of when my mother was in her crossover process and a nun from the hospital came into the room where I sat with my mother in her coma, and the nun said “This is a sacred time.” Then when my cat Lorenza began her crossover process in March 2012, I was able to hold the concept of the sacredness of our last days together to ease my sorrow. Nedda, you helped me communicate with Lorenza and we did it just the way she wanted it! That’s such love, and I loved assisting her in her process and I love the way you and Violet are being together, in love, this way…as well as in all the other ways before this time too…Much love is being sent from me and Giulia (Lorenza’s sister) to you and Violet and her sisters…
Hi, I had my Feline companion pass very suddenly and very violently through a dog attack. It was certainly NOT very peaceful… can you tell me why an animal would choose to leave this plane in such a violent and painful way….????? and do you know how long it takes for them to heal emotionally from such a difficult passing….. ????? It has been deeply traumatic for me to see and witness such a passing….. we have a very strong deep bond, much deeper than any human connection…. can you please offer some insight into this occurrence… thankyou… and please email me as well…. with any advise you can offer about understanding her choice of passing… please thankyou Grace
Dear Grace,
Thank you for sharing your situation with me and others who read my blog.
Without speaking to your animal friend in spirit, I can only guess at what this was about. Here are some possibilities, but please know that they are only guesses and not the answer you probably want most in your heart.
~ It might have had to do with karma from a past life.
~ It might have been that the Soul chose to learn by having this particular experience. The lesson might have been about forgiveness or compassion or some other higher level emotion.
~ It might have had to do with teaching you something, although to know what the lesson is we’d have to explore that personally for you or with your animal in-spirit.
~ It may have been a “test” for the Soul to discover their ability to remain in non-judgment.
As for healing from the experience, the animals tell me that the first thing that happens after they cross over is that they go into a healing space, followed by a life review. The healing space in the other realms can be for long periods of time, judging by earth time. After that, and based on the life review and the Soul’s purpose and choices, they may have more work to do and reincarnate to continue to resolve the issues, or they may move on to other things.
I am not a person who gives advice, especially to someone I don’t know. I do offer a variety of sessions that you might find helpful, such as Animal Communication to speak with your animal in spirit, and coaching sessions to assist you to untangle your feelings and thoughts about the situation. Please check out my services on my website, and if something calls to your heart, I’d be happy to work with you on this.
Dear Nedda,
Thank you so much for taking the time to post about Violet. It is difficult for us humans to release the need for ‘making it better’, isn’t it?
And this process is indeed natural. It may be hard for us to wrap our heads around why a creature would choose some of the things they choose. But only they really have the answers to that. As do we . . . there are those among us who do not have any comprehension of why we would choose a particular path.
What a lovely relationship you have, and what a lovely being Violet is to allow you to share this with her.
Dear Annette,
Thank you for taking the time to post a comment on my experiences with Violet. We are very close because we’ve had multiple life times together, and I believe this is the best one yet, as both of us have grown so very much over the years. It is truly an honor for me to be here for her in this new way of allowing and going with the flow and letting her take the lead and make the decisions.
Namaste.