Taking Responsibility for My Life

by | Dec 14, 2008 | Food for Thought | 6 comments

When I was growing up, I was very angry and depressed and blamed my parents for everything. No surprise, this, as we are taught by the world of psychotherapy, starting with Sigmund Freud, that how we interact with our parents creates the basis for how our personalities develop and how our lives turn out.

While it is true that how we interact with others sets up patterns in our psyche that can affect us the rest of our lives, giving our power away to these patterns is more of the problem than the patterns themselves.

The first insight I had about this was while reading a book on color therapy when I was in my forties. I don’t remember the title or author, but I will never forget the message. Basically, the book said that, on the Soul Plane we make consciousness decisions regarding our next lifetime. We decide what we will experience. We make agreements with other Souls who offer to incarnate and become important individuals in our lives. We invite others to play the roles of our parents, spouses, children, friends, (even our animals) and so on who will significantly affect our lifetime. We ask them to treat us in particular ways and to share in our life path. In exchange, we offer to play various roles for them in their life paths.

This blew my mind.

For one thing, it really resonated as “true” for me.

For another thing, it meant that my parents were not responsible for how I handled anything in my life or even what I experienced. In fact, it meant that no one but I, myself, had made these decisions.

This was, for me, a critical step in reclaiming my personal power. It meant that my life was my responsibility. I had made choices before I was even born. How I chose to handle any given situation was my free will. What I had chosen to experience in this lifetime was also my free will. If I wanted to change anything in my life, it was up to me to do so.

As a result of this, I had to rethink everything about my life.

Since that time, I have also learned that the world outside me reflects the world inside me. Whatever I experience in each and every moment is totally a reflection of whatever my expectations are, whatever I energize with my thoughts and feelings, whatever I believe is true about myself.  The words I say to myself, the words I speak out loud, and how I treat others all create how I am treated and how I experience the world.

I AM in control of everything.

I AM in control whether or not I acknowledge being in control.

I AM in control whether or not I am conscious of being in control.

The power to manifest all that we experience is truly ours.

The power to decide to do this consciously is also ours.

As we grow up, we are taught to give our personal power away. We are taught this by others around us who have done the same thing. We give it away to our parents, to our friends, to our educational system, to our government, to religions, to the media, to the advertisers, and to any else who may want to control us. We are told we are sinners, weak, arrogant, prideful, and many other pejorative things when we try to claim our power.

Isn’t it time to take back our power?

I say, “YES!”

Taking back one’s power means taking full responsibility for everything in your life.

It means that, if someone treats you badly, it is not appropriate to take revenge.  It is appropriate to ask yourself some questions. “How did I create this?”  “What limiting belief do I have that brought this experience to me?”  “What am I supposed to learn about myself through this experience?”

When I can learn what I am here to learn (based on the decisions I made on the Soul Plane), when I can find the limiting belief and transform it into something expansive and enhancing to myself, I will no longer experience being treated badly.  I will learn to treat myself – and others, too – with more love, more compassion, more generosity and kindness.

I have the power to do this. 


I have already begun doing it and my life has been transformed and continues to be transformed every day.

Am I in my power every minute?  No.

But then I remind myself or a good friend reminds me, and I become even more empowered.

It’s a matter of developing new “muscles” and strengthening them by using them every day.  It can be done. 

I am the light house, the way-shower.  I shine light on this because it will show you that you, too, can be empowered. 

Only YOU can take back YOUR POWER.  Anyone who says they can give it to you is disempowering you.


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  1. Doug Hagens

    Hi Nedda

    Related to taking responsibility for what I experience,this last month I discovered a way to do it, It is that I view my consciousness in terms of energy – rhythms or frequencies. I decide what I will pull in and what not to pull in and not some external agency. What brought this notion to mind was a few abusive (and loving too) people in my life. I have spent literally years trying to make sense of this. Now I realize it’s not necessary to make sense of everything. What is important are the frequencies I pull in. The source of energies may of course be anything or anyone – including myself. To help me navigate through the negative, I remember your asteroids! Your friend Doug

    • Nedda

      Hi, Doug,

      You are so right! We no longer need to analyze everything, especially when we are learning to live from our Hearts. Just noticing the energy and what it feels like and then deciding whether to respond and/or how to respond is a very appropriate way to react at this time.


  2. Doug Hagens


    I am working on the “path” aspect of Divine Love. I’m speaking only in the first person because that’s only what I am really sure about . . .

    Not God, nor the angels, nor evolution, nor any law or agency of Heaven or Earth determines or is responsible for what I choose. It is only I that is responsible for my path.

    I have heard some say we choose the role we play, but not the play itself. (e.g. the “play” might be evolution) I don’t believe this. I think everyone and everything has not only absolute free choice about how they choose to unfold but even the choice to unfold itself and probably more alternatives of which I am not aware.

    What I’m trying to say is that the Maker of All the Universes (I just made this entity up!) gives every fragment of Himself the freedom to be whoever or whatever they want to be. This is Divine Love. And we practice this when we follow suit.

    What do you think? Comments?


    • Nedda

      Dear Doug,

      Truly, the best way to understand Divine Love, from my perspective, is to ask for a direct experience of it. Using words to define it is still keeping yourself separate from it.

      I suggest you ask your I AM for a direct experience of it. Once you have felt it you will truly KNOW that words are too limited to describe it fully.

      Moving out of the “left brain” that wants to express in verbal language and into the heart, where the language itself is Divine Love, is a powerful step in the direction you want to go.


      • Doug Hagens


        You’re right on the mark as usual. I did ask my IAM for a direct experience. Today I got was a work-related situation in which my job could be at stake! It has been brewing several weeks now. The crux of the problem was no matter how analyzed it, there was NO solution. Until today. Today I asked my Higher Power to take care of things & I will do whatever seemed appropriate. This Higher Power is very much Infinite and so I have all the faith in Him!

        So I see this experience was for me to practice letting Divine Love percolate into my being. It was not coincidental.


  3. Doug Hagens

    Hi Nedda

    I asked my heart what Divine Love feels like. I got this . . . “It’s like being the sun, the earth and the rain with certain faith that wonderful things will grow.” I like that. It’s a wonderful feeling. So I share it will you!



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